I’ve felt like an impostor most of my professional career. It’s only recently, though, that I’ve realized how valuable that feeling has been. My greatest opportunities for growth, I’ve learned, have been when I’ve stared that impostor in the face and said, “why NOT me?,” then still stepped forward.
When I scored in the 30th percentile the first time I took the GRE, I didn’t feel smart enough.
When I was rejected by four of the six schools I applied to for a master’s degree, I didn’t feel capable enough.
When I taught my first college course at age 25, I didn’t feel prepared enough.
When I was told my first paper as a PhD student wasn’t good enough to grade, I didn’t feel intelligent enough.
When I was asked to co-direct a graduate program because there weren’t other options, I didn’t feel experienced enough.
When I delivered my first corporate public speaking gig to a room of accomplished executives, I didn’t feel brave enough.
When, at my first video shoot with a publishing company, I was told to do retake after retake after retake, I didn’t feel talented enough.
My feelings of inadequacy in each of these moments have made me fear, doubt, lose sleep, feel sick, and darn near quit each time. I’ve wanted to cry, give up, back out, and even make up fake excuses for why I couldn’t be there. Something, however, compelled me to keep stepping forward. Perhaps my motivation to push forward was a greater fear of failure or a self-imposed pressure to support a family. Whatever the motivation, I stuck with it.
Now, as I’m approaching 40 years old, I can see that I experienced those “impostor” feelings because I (sometimes naively or accidentally) put myself in situations that were scary and hard and beyond my current abilities. But those impostor feelings forced me to study, practice, try, fail, and learn. Looking back, as it turns out, feeling like an impostor hasn’t really been a “syndrome” at all, as it’s often labeled. When I’ve chosen to stare impostorism in the face and push it out of the way, feeling like an impostor has turned into an incredible opportunity for growth.