How to Talk to a Parent About Memory Loss

Bringing up memory loss with a parent isn’t an easy topic to broach. And for adult children, there are few more distressing points in life than realising you can’t give your parents the help they need.

But the thing with bringing up a sensitive option like this is if you get it wrong you’re closing all the doors for  future discussions and ruining any plans you might be able to make to help support them when they need it the most.

Here are a few tips on how to get it right.

Pick the Right Time and Setting

You need to choose a calm, private moment rather than bringing it up during a family gathering or argument or right after a stressful event like a missed appointment or after bad news.

Make sure when you pick the time to bring up the conversation you do so when everyone is calm and quiet. When no one is rushing anywhere or has other things on their mind. 

Do it in a familiar setting like their home or the home of a relative where they feel safe and have the space to respond without feeling like they’ve been put on the spot without an audience.

Try to avoid conversations when you’re tired or already frustrated as this isn’t going to get the resolution you need, and try to have the conversation earlier in the day before irritability and confusion increases.

Lead with Specific Examples Not Accusations

Vague statements like “your memory is getting worse” tend to trigger defensiveness fast. Specific factual examples land differently. Mentioning the missed doctor’s appointment last week, how they left the stove on twice that month, or that they’re repeating the same story over and over in the same conversation are great examples to use. The more specific you can be the more you can get your point across easily, and they’re harder to dismiss than a general accusation.

Take your time to write down some examples you can use beforehand and have everything prepared so you’re not caught out and you can keep things on track when emotions run high.

Explore Help Options Together

Rather than presenting a single option as their only choice for the future, find out all the different types of support available. This way you can discuss things together instead of it feeling like you’re forcing them into something. 

It might mean you need to have a check-in with their doctor first to find out what help is available. But options such as home care support and memory care living arrangements can provide more structured daily support for advanced symptoms. Present the options as they are, not a verdict for improved cooperation.

Involve Other Family Members

A united approach is always going to be better than one person’s opinion. It prevents the parent or loved one from dismissing the conversation as something you have a concern about.

Agree in advance on who will speak and about what and how concerns will be raised between family members. This stops people contradicting themselves or the same talking points surfacing over and over and nothing actually getting done as a result.